Case Two
Supported by
My name is Nur (not my real name). I am 19 years old and the second of four siblings. Both of my parents work as fishermen, which is the main source of income for our family.
Before entering Form Six, I became involved with a boy from my hometown. We had been friends for two years, and I would go out with him without my parents’ knowledge, especially while I was staying at the school hostel. My boyfriend was not in school at the time, but he would occasionally take me out.
The first time he asked me to sleep with him, I felt uncomfortable. I did not fully understand what was happening. As a Muslim, I knew that sex before marriage is forbidden, and I realized I had made a mistake by giving in to him.
About a month later, I noticed that I had missed my period. However, since my menstrual cycle was irregular, I thought it was normal. By the fourth month, I began to feel anxious. I bought a pregnancy test, and when it came back positive, I was shocked. I kept the news to myself, but at night I could not sleep and struggled to concentrate on my studies. My fear grew with each passing day, and I kept asking myself how I would get through this situation.
During the National Day weekend in August, all students were required to return home. I was terrified of going back and staying with my family. At home, I usually shared a room with my older sister, which made me feel even more uncomfortable. That night, before bed, my sister and I were talking. I gathered the courage to tell her about my situation. She was shocked and stared at me in disbelief. I started crying, and she asked who my boyfriend was.
The next morning, I stayed in bed and skipped breakfast. My parents had already gone out to check the fishing nets. Around 11 a.m., my mother came into my room with my sisters. She was angry and immediately began scolding me. The house fell silent as she demanded to know where the boy who had gotten me pregnant was. I told her that I had tried to contact him, but he did not respond. For the entire week, my mother would not allow me to return to the hostel. I stayed in my room, overwhelmed with guilt over what had happened.
One day, my mother, father, and sister took me to Kota Kinabalu with the intention of arranging an abortion. The doctor examined me and confirmed that I was 18 weeks pregnant. My mother asked the doctor to proceed, but the doctor explained that it was too late and that the procedure could put my life at risk. Instead, the doctor gave us a contact number for an organization that might be able to help.
My family later met a woman named Angelina and shared what had happened. My mother cried as she told the story. She said that if the boy could be contacted, she would force me to marry him. However, because of financial difficulties and the responsibility of caring for her other children, she explained that she could not raise the baby.
My mother asked me to make the decision myself. It was one of the hardest moments of my life because I desperately needed my parents’ support. The woman asked about my schooling, and my mother explained that I had already stopped attending. I did not know what else to say, so I simply followed my mother’s wishes.
A week after the interview, my parents sent me to the center. I felt heartbroken and cried, but my mother remained firm. While I was there, my classmates kept asking why I no longer came to school, and I felt deeply disappointed in myself. I cried often, both day and night.
At first, I stayed in my room and avoided interacting with the other residents. With encouragement from the staff and participation in the house programs, I slowly began to open up, although it was not easy. I often felt stressed, and there was a time when I argued with another resident because I could no longer contain my emotions. I ended up shouting at her. The staff were present during the incident, and afterward I had to take time to calm down. I am grateful for their patience and willingness to listen. Although it was difficult, I was encouraged to apologize to the resident I had argued with. I was given time to reflect, and eventually I did apologize. The staff never judged me; instead, they listened to what I was truly feeling.
During my stay, I learned a great deal through the programs organized by the staff. I learned to be more considerate of others and to offer help when needed. I was also encouraged to share my skills, such as making kuih makmur (traditional Malay pastry) and preparing food for catering events. To my surprise, I even received pocket money from the sales, something I had never expected.
Through counseling sessions, I began to understand myself better and gained confidence, especially when thinking about my baby’s future. Each resident was given a journal, and I used mine to express my thoughts and emotions freely. My case officer met with me every two weeks to check on my well-being, which I greatly appreciated because it gave me a safe space to talk about how I felt living with the other residents.
While at the center, I also prepared baby clothes by ordering items through TikTok and Shopee, since I could not go out shopping. I wanted to do this for my baby. I was fortunate to have a very positive roommate, even though she was facing challenges similar to mine. We cried and laughed together in our room, helping each other cope with stress. We were also given opportunities to express ourselves through drawing, cooking, and daily household chores, which helped us live together more harmoniously.
A month before my due date, I had already prepared clothes for my baby. I was encouraged to talk to her and tell her how much I loved her. Eventually, I decided to entrust my baby to a family, and I am grateful for the support of the staff who guided me through that decision.
When I gave birth, my baby was unwell due to a lung infection. I prayed constantly for her recovery and sent breast milk whenever I could. There were times when the doctors asked me to care for her in the hospital, but I felt afraid because I did not know how to breastfeed or care for a newborn. I could not sleep through the night and waited anxiously for her to be discharged.
In addition to caring for my baby, I also went to the National Registration Department (JPN) to apply for her birth certificate. This required completing documents before a Commissioner of Oaths, and I was accompanied by staff throughout the process. During this period, I was also called for an interview, which was especially challenging because it took place only four days after I had given birth. Despite the pain, I forced myself to walk normally and attended the interview, hoping and praying for a positive outcome.
Through this experience, I learned so much. It was a turning point in my life. I want to continue my studies and prove to my parents that I can succeed. I am also grateful to my older sister, who helped me apply through UPU (online education portal), something I would not have been able to manage on my own.
How to support this case:
Bank account details:
1. Bank name: Public Bank Berhad
2. Account number: 3196591718
3. Account name: Good Shepherd Services
4. Reference code: EQW02
OR contact krishaabavisi@equalworld.org to send a supportive message, or care package.